frumpy

Tonight is the night of my long awaited concert. I am not playing in the concert or anything, I have no actual musical talent for that. I have been coordinating a concert featuring 4 different bands of amazing calebir that is geared towards 20 somethings.

I have had a range of thoughts concerning the concert...at first I was afraid no one would come, then based off of what others were saying, I was a afraid that people (tons) were coming. Also ontop of that, though I am 22 years old...I often times feel frumpy and not so "young and hip" (the very fact that I use the term "hip" makes me feel 90ish). Basically I am afraid people will think of me as a marmy old woman with "mom jeans" and old jargon. Then I have a fear that I am not frumpy but my fears will make into that person. I hate these paradoxical fears that run me ragged. Then on the flip side I don't really care at all...whether people think of me as frumpy or whether I actually am frumpy. Whatev. Regardless, I will be fine, G-d will have his will tonight, and people will have a good time.

I feel like this post is overtly focused on me and I feel selfish. I want to go do something selfless now just to make me feel better which is selfish too. Shoot.

Here's two portraits I took for the next issue of our church magazine. Mildly majestic/ commercial...but I still like them.



WORD OF THE DAY: trepidation