Saturday, December 21, 2013

Breaking News

Earlier today after temperatures plummeted in the suburbs of Kansas a young woman, Rachelle Hamilton was found frozen in her home. Witnesses say that she had been complaining of feeling chilly but everyone believed that it was just her readjusting to the Midwest temps. Little did they know that she was freezing solid starting with her toes, feet and hands and rapidly moving towards her vital organs.

"I thought she was just taking a nap like normal, though when I noticed she hadn't moved for hours, I thought I'd better check in on her,"reported the victims younger sister, who was the first to find Hamilton. "I never knew it was possible, I mean we use the phrase, 'I'm freezing to death' but I didn't know people actually died this way. I won't take that phrase so lightly in the future," Hamilton's mother told reporters, clearly shaken from the day's events.

On the left, Hamilton in 2011
On the right, photo taken earlier today
"She was always so goofy and fun-loving, she will definitely be missed," said long-time friend.

Doctors are mystified by the incident, claiming that they have only ever seen this in medical books. "Its such a rare occasion, we never knew we would have the chance to see it up close," reported a local physician.

It is believed that Hamilton's attempts to stay warm were no match for the harsh winter weather. She was found wearing multiple pairs of socks and shirts while wrapped in a blanket.

Investigators will continue to look into the incident to rule out any foul play. "We will go to great lengths to make sure this peculiar situation was not an act of malice" reported the head Deputy Chief at the 3rd precinct.

Doctors advise families to prepare for the extreme cold front that continues to ambush the prairies. We can learn from the Hamilton case, in order to stave off the freezing temps, stay inside, make sure your furnace is turned higher than 60 below zero, and stay active. Working on the computer for several hours does not generate enough body heat to sustain human life.

A memorial was planned to be held at Overland Park First Assembly this upcoming Monday, but due to the cold weather, it is suggested that the best way to honor her memory is by staying in and keeping warm. Hamilton's mother asks that instead of receiving flowers, people should buy hand warmers and heating pads and send it to their local families who refuse to turn their heat up.

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